25 Totally ROTTEN Things Parents Have Confessed to Doing Which Are RUINING Their Children’s Lives (and Day 5 of 7+ Giveaways)

I wrote to you on the 5 Kids Facebook page last night because I needed to confess, and we all know Facebook is the very best place for purging one’s soul. 

Here’s what I said:

I need to confess right now that I have been extraordinarily unreasonable lately. For example:

  1. I asked a middle schooler to take a shower even though, ‘GEEZ, MOM.’ 
  2. I asked a sister to open a garage door for her brother even though, ‘THAT IS STUPID AND NOT FAIR AND I HATE EVERYONE.’ 
  3. I asked small children to put away ALL the pieces of the Legos even though stiff bodies and laying prostrate on the ground and wailing and gnashing of teeth and, ‘But we can’t do ALL of it; it is TOO HARD.’ 

I know. I know. I SUCK. 

Please feel free to confess your own failures in the comments section below. I’ll try not to judge you for ruining your family’s lives.

And then YOU DID. You did confess, and you also OBVIOUSLY did ruin your family’s lives.

As a result – and a way to honor the victims of our collective MADNESS – I present to you:

ID-1007071625 Totally ROTTEN (Horrific! Untenable!) Things Parents Have Confessed to Doing
Which Are RUINING Their Children’s Lives

  1. “I asked my son to stop spitting his chewed up carrots in random corners of the house.” Mariah
  2. “I told my son he may not take a bubble bath with the dog.” April
  3. “I had the nerve to ask – expect, even – my son to both eat protein and drink water in the same day. He rightfully retaliated by yelling, ‘You only care about what I need! Not what I want!'” Stephanie
  4. “I asked my daughter to flush the toilet.” Nikki
  5. “I ruthlessly tore a bagel in half (like an animal!) so when my 20 month old inevitably fed it to the dog or dropped it on the floor (same diff), he’d still have half to eat. Feverishly trying to paste it back together with cream cheese was no way to make amends! It was an insult to his intelligence and I am ashamed for even trying.” Megan
  6. “I made my children brush their teeth even though ‘You make us do this TWICE a day; it’s soooo unfair!” Susan
  7. “I make my 14 year old wear shoes in public and go to bed at 10 pm EVERY school night.” Jocelyne
  8. “I asked my offspring, ‘Wouldn’t it be a good idea to study for finals?’ who responded with “Why do you HATE ME? Why can’t you understand what is IMPORTANT in my life?” Grace
  9. “I cook gross food for dinner… every night.” Diana 
  10. “I gave my son a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich even though I should have known he wanted PEANUT BUTTER AND PEEEEEEACH.” Molly
  11. “I asked my daughter to go pee when she need to instead of playing longer and getting wet. My priorities are wrong.” Jennifer 
  12. “I told my 10 year old she HAD TO eat one spoonful of vegetables before she could have ice cream even though “all vegetables are TERRIBLE and HORRIBLE and WILL MAKE ME THROW UP!” Sheila
  13. “I expect my teens to take a shower at least every other day. I’m too demanding.” Ruby
  14. My child will be calling Child Protective Services and suing for $20,000 cash because I threw out a gnarly toothbrush and replaced it with a fresh, new one, which is clearly child abuse. Jamie 
  15. “I suggested my son put his coat in the car just in case we broke down and needed to walk EVEN THOUGH HE’S NEVER COLD, and our stupid car is old, and I’m not him I don’t know his body temperature, and we probably won’t break down anyway, and I’m a freakin’ jerk.” Anne
  16. “I made my 5 year old put on ALL of her clothes before going to school today.” Shawndy
  17. “I made my child tell her teacher (all by herself) that she forgot her homework at school over the weekend and that was why her project was not finished. Then I made same child finish her book report.” Leann
  18. “I asked my 3 year old grandson to stop biting his sister EVEN THOUGH she kept taking his toy car.” Janet
  19. “I made my 15 year old shovel snow even though it will just snow again.” Sonja
  20. “I fed him his favorite foods for lunch.” Katie
  21. “I made my 12 year old hang her own washing even though it nearly killed her.” Simone
  22. “I dared to ask the last child out of the minivan to push the button to close the door.” That child ALWAYS has to do EVERYTHING. Kimberly 
  23. “I made my 3 year old go to bed even though ‘I’M NOT TIRED YET’ and ‘I ALREADY WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.'” Rachel
  24. “I ‘force’ my boys to do all their chores or they won’t earn full allowance.” Kristen
  25. “I simply exist.” Elaine

In conclusion, we are all clearly HORRIBLE people out to irrevocably wreck the lives of small people around us. And we should be ashamed.

The End


P.S. Today is Day 5 of 7+ Giveaways!
(Day 4 is still accepting entries: click here.)

I invited the 5 Kids Blog advertisers (see the column to your right) to join me for 7 (or more!) days of giveaways. CHECK BACK for a NEW GIVEAWAY EVERY DAY.

Now, obviously, we’re not REALLY ruining anyone’s lives, parents. Not, you know, really really. Just sort of the “Of COURSE You’re Going to Need Therapy Someday” kind of ruining people’s lives, you know? BUT I’m aware, as I’m sure you are, that there are people in our world who are truly, actually (really, really) struggling to make ends meet and provide for their kids. That’s why I’m ecstatic today to introduce you to today’s giveaway from Dignity Regained.

Dignity Regained

Dignity Regained is an online store that exists to bring attention to the Fair Trade movement and the positive effect it has on the fight against human trafficking. All products at their site are made using Fair Trade standards, giving artisans around the world fair wages, a safe and clean working environment, financial and technical support, and developing more direct relationships between consumers and products. Buying Fair Trade empowers women and vulnerable people, provides sustainability to small businesses and families, opens doors for education, and offers a bright future.

Wrapped BraceletToday, Dignity Regained is giving away a Red Wrap Bracelet made by the Ana Art Group in Old Delhi from thick cotton bands with metal beads.  20″ long with two closure options, it’s fair trade and handmade, offering sustainability, hope, purpose and dignity.

Dignity Regained ALSO offers a discount to YOU, the 5 Kids Blog readers! Save 15% using the FIVEKIDS code at checkout.

This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Sheri Gingrich, winner of the Red Wrap Bracelet!

TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this blog post by 11:59pm (Pacific Time) on Friday, December 20th. One entry per person, please. A winner will be selected using a random number generator and posted on Saturday.

This giveaway is open to international participants. International shipping provided by me.

Note: The 5 Kids Blog advertisers provided no additional compensation for these giveaways. Dignity Regained is paying for the cost of the giveaway and U.S. shipping. She paid me for her ad only, and this just seemed like a fun way to work together for your benefit. OK? OK.


“Grumpy Child” Photo Credit to Clare Bloomfield via freedigitalimages.net

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
  1. I made my four year old wear clothes because it was eighteen degrees outside. She said, “Mommy, why are you so bossy?”

    On a related note, a fun comeback when the kids are screeching at me for IMMEDIATE appearance of their foodstuffs: Them: MOM-meeee! Where’s my lunch?!
    Me: Ohhhh, darn. I lost my wand again!
    Them: MOM-meeee, you don’t HAVE a wand!
    Me: Ohhhhhhhh, THAT’s right! I have to actually MAKE your lunch!
    Them: dramatic sighs.

  2. I made my kids put away all of their electronics at dinner and actually talk to each other. I am so unreasonable!

  3. Love it!!!

  4. I just love this list!

  5. I tried to make my nearly-two year old choose EITHER the sippy cup full of milk or the one full of water instead of letting her run through the house hugging both of them. And I only read her bedtime story once. And I expected my three-and-a-half year old to scoop food onto a spoon and place it into her own mouth WITH HER OWN HANDS, even though she’d suddenly been struck with eating-technique amnesia and NEEDED me to do it for her. Pretty sure the only reason the almost-five year old didn’t accuse me of “making all his dreams go away” was that he was sick.

  6. I love the list! I had no idea there were other parents as cruel as my husband and me. Thank goodness we’re not alone!

  7. I washed the sand out of my sons hair tonight… That was after sans child decided to dump the entire sandbox on his head while at the park. I also made my daughter cry by mentioning to wash out her eye after she threw sand in it. Which caused her to cry which at least cleaned the sand out of her eye.

  8. Confession is SO good for the soul! Today I made my 9-year-old shut down the computer when he came to the end of his screen time. Whew! I feel so much better getting that off my chest! Thanks for the giveaways, Beth. It’s so much fun!

  9. I am a mother of 5 and also have 4 stepsons. I ruin one of their lives’ on a daily basis. My 9 year old son was so irate one day when I told him to pick up his room, he stomped up the stairs yelling at me that I was “the worst mom ever and he will never tell his children about their grandmother! How do you like that??” Of course a few days later I was the “best mom ever”. So great to read your posts and know I’m nit the only horrible momma. Thank you!

  10. New to your blog and absolitely love it so far 🙂

  11. Love your blog! And this online community. And love this giveaway!

  12. one time I offered the 2yo (sister-in-law) a roll. after she asked me for one. she threw herself down on the floor and accused me of “ruining love.”

  13. Love this. I just have to say in reverse – when I was a kid my dad let me go to school in my PJs when mom was on vacation b/c I’ve never been a morning person and I really didn’t care and I just couldn’t be bothered to change. On a good note – he also paid for my therapy for a little while.


    P.S Love that you’re partnering with your people for these give-a-ways! Way to build community!

  14. My comment

  15. My mom used to drive us to school (only some mornings) instead of walking 2 miles. Then my sister would be too EMBARRASSED that my mom drove us and would do the tantrum thing until my mom dropped us off at least 2 blocks from the school.
    Of course that meant my mom started driving us to school in her housecoat.

  16. I asked my niece to please not take her snack into the bathroom and eat it while sitting on the toilet. I was clearly wrong since she didn’t do ANY OF THAT, even though I was standing there the whole time.

  17. Today I made my first grader write his required three sentences in his journal even though “writing is not his thing”. It only took 2 hours….

  18. I like #7 – although my son is 16 and is supposed to be in bed (or at least in the shower) by 9 PM every night. He will wear shoes in public but boots during a Canadian winter is apparently not necessary. Who knew? CERTAINLY not ME.

    1. Sheri! You’ve won the red wrap bracelet from Dignity Regained! I’ll send you an email with details shortly.


  19. I’ve never heard of this company, and LOVE their products and mission. Thank you for sharing about this!

  20. I too, am a horrible mother, who expects her 3 and 6 year olds to eat their dinner (that they hate!) even though their Grandma sent them home with candy and she knows everything and that must be better for them. 😉

  21. This made me laugh out loud, but really. Not like when I say lol but I really mean I just smiled.

  22. Awesome giveaway!

    1. Also, I very cruelly, and with malice aforthought, did willfully remove a string of Mardi Gras beads from the toddler’s neck before settling her into bed for the night (HA!), which, naturally caused heart breaking tears.

  23. So funny

  24. I let my child have cookie, but it was the WRONG ONE. My fault really. I thought it was exactly like the one next to it. Clearly I was wrong.

  25. I am also a horrible parent. I make my children wear helmets on their bikes even though it MAKES THEIR HEADS HOT and makes them LOOK DORKY.

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