25 Totally ROTTEN Things Parents Have Confessed to Doing Which Are RUINING Their Children’s Lives (and Day 5 of 7+ Giveaways)

I wrote to you on the 5 Kids Facebook page last night because I needed to confess, and we all know Facebook is the very best place for purging one’s soul. 

Here’s what I said:

I need to confess right now that I have been extraordinarily unreasonable lately. For example:

  1. I asked a middle schooler to take a shower even though, ‘GEEZ, MOM.’ 
  2. I asked a sister to open a garage door for her brother even though, ‘THAT IS STUPID AND NOT FAIR AND I HATE EVERYONE.’ 
  3. I asked small children to put away ALL the pieces of the Legos even though stiff bodies and laying prostrate on the ground and wailing and gnashing of teeth and, ‘But we can’t do ALL of it; it is TOO HARD.’ 

I know. I know. I SUCK. 

Please feel free to confess your own failures in the comments section below. I’ll try not to judge you for ruining your family’s lives.

And then YOU DID. You did confess, and you also OBVIOUSLY did ruin your family’s lives.

As a result – and a way to honor the victims of our collective MADNESS – I present to you:

ID-1007071625 Totally ROTTEN (Horrific! Untenable!) Things Parents Have Confessed to Doing
Which Are RUINING Their Children’s Lives

  1. “I asked my son to stop spitting his chewed up carrots in random corners of the house.” Mariah
  2. “I told my son he may not take a bubble bath with the dog.” April
  3. “I had the nerve to ask – expect, even – my son to both eat protein and drink water in the same day. He rightfully retaliated by yelling, ‘You only care about what I need! Not what I want!'” Stephanie
  4. “I asked my daughter to flush the toilet.” Nikki
  5. “I ruthlessly tore a bagel in half (like an animal!) so when my 20 month old inevitably fed it to the dog or dropped it on the floor (same diff), he’d still have half to eat. Feverishly trying to paste it back together with cream cheese was no way to make amends! It was an insult to his intelligence and I am ashamed for even trying.” Megan
  6. “I made my children brush their teeth even though ‘You make us do this TWICE a day; it’s soooo unfair!” Susan
  7. “I make my 14 year old wear shoes in public and go to bed at 10 pm EVERY school night.” Jocelyne
  8. “I asked my offspring, ‘Wouldn’t it be a good idea to study for finals?’ who responded with “Why do you HATE ME? Why can’t you understand what is IMPORTANT in my life?” Grace
  9. “I cook gross food for dinner… every night.” Diana 
  10. “I gave my son a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich even though I should have known he wanted PEANUT BUTTER AND PEEEEEEACH.” Molly
  11. “I asked my daughter to go pee when she need to instead of playing longer and getting wet. My priorities are wrong.” Jennifer 
  12. “I told my 10 year old she HAD TO eat one spoonful of vegetables before she could have ice cream even though “all vegetables are TERRIBLE and HORRIBLE and WILL MAKE ME THROW UP!” Sheila
  13. “I expect my teens to take a shower at least every other day. I’m too demanding.” Ruby
  14. My child will be calling Child Protective Services and suing for $20,000 cash because I threw out a gnarly toothbrush and replaced it with a fresh, new one, which is clearly child abuse. Jamie 
  15. “I suggested my son put his coat in the car just in case we broke down and needed to walk EVEN THOUGH HE’S NEVER COLD, and our stupid car is old, and I’m not him I don’t know his body temperature, and we probably won’t break down anyway, and I’m a freakin’ jerk.” Anne
  16. “I made my 5 year old put on ALL of her clothes before going to school today.” Shawndy
  17. “I made my child tell her teacher (all by herself) that she forgot her homework at school over the weekend and that was why her project was not finished. Then I made same child finish her book report.” Leann
  18. “I asked my 3 year old grandson to stop biting his sister EVEN THOUGH she kept taking his toy car.” Janet
  19. “I made my 15 year old shovel snow even though it will just snow again.” Sonja
  20. “I fed him his favorite foods for lunch.” Katie
  21. “I made my 12 year old hang her own washing even though it nearly killed her.” Simone
  22. “I dared to ask the last child out of the minivan to push the button to close the door.” That child ALWAYS has to do EVERYTHING. Kimberly 
  23. “I made my 3 year old go to bed even though ‘I’M NOT TIRED YET’ and ‘I ALREADY WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.'” Rachel
  24. “I ‘force’ my boys to do all their chores or they won’t earn full allowance.” Kristen
  25. “I simply exist.” Elaine

In conclusion, we are all clearly HORRIBLE people out to irrevocably wreck the lives of small people around us. And we should be ashamed.

The End

……….

P.S. Today is Day 5 of 7+ Giveaways!
(Day 4 is still accepting entries: click here.)

I invited the 5 Kids Blog advertisers (see the column to your right) to join me for 7 (or more!) days of giveaways. CHECK BACK for a NEW GIVEAWAY EVERY DAY.

Now, obviously, we’re not REALLY ruining anyone’s lives, parents. Not, you know, really really. Just sort of the “Of COURSE You’re Going to Need Therapy Someday” kind of ruining people’s lives, you know? BUT I’m aware, as I’m sure you are, that there are people in our world who are truly, actually (really, really) struggling to make ends meet and provide for their kids. That’s why I’m ecstatic today to introduce you to today’s giveaway from Dignity Regained.

Dignity Regained

Dignity Regained is an online store that exists to bring attention to the Fair Trade movement and the positive effect it has on the fight against human trafficking. All products at their site are made using Fair Trade standards, giving artisans around the world fair wages, a safe and clean working environment, financial and technical support, and developing more direct relationships between consumers and products. Buying Fair Trade empowers women and vulnerable people, provides sustainability to small businesses and families, opens doors for education, and offers a bright future.

Wrapped BraceletToday, Dignity Regained is giving away a Red Wrap Bracelet made by the Ana Art Group in Old Delhi from thick cotton bands with metal beads.  20″ long with two closure options, it’s fair trade and handmade, offering sustainability, hope, purpose and dignity.

Dignity Regained ALSO offers a discount to YOU, the 5 Kids Blog readers! Save 15% using the FIVEKIDS code at checkout.

This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Sheri Gingrich, winner of the Red Wrap Bracelet!

TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this blog post by 11:59pm (Pacific Time) on Friday, December 20th. One entry per person, please. A winner will be selected using a random number generator and posted on Saturday.

This giveaway is open to international participants. International shipping provided by me.

Note: The 5 Kids Blog advertisers provided no additional compensation for these giveaways. Dignity Regained is paying for the cost of the giveaway and U.S. shipping. She paid me for her ad only, and this just seemed like a fun way to work together for your benefit. OK? OK.

……….

“Grumpy Child” Photo Credit to Clare Bloomfield via freedigitalimages.net

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
101 comments
  1. I insisted that my six year old child not put the half eaten sample back on the display plate at Costco. THREE TIMES!

  2. I loved this post. It’s nice to know I’m not the only cruel parent out there. The worse thing I’ve been doing lately is making my kids wash their hands when they come home from school. And this is torture because it takes so long. And it is obviously pointless. Except when both of them come in together. Then it is the most important thing in the world, because it’s her turn to be first but he ran in to wash his hands first and mom doesn’t care and we have the meanest, cruelest mom ever…..
    Thank you for your blog.

  3. So funny!!! I laughed so hard.

    We live in Japan and the whole house is not heated. You only heat the room you are currently using. If you leave a door in the room open, you immediately start freezing. I think I will go hoarse shouting at my kids to close the door. Their answer is always, “I didn’t open it!” or, “Xxx came through it last!” or, “Why do I have to do it?” I have four kids. My 3-year-old is the worst offender. The youngest is just a year old, so none of this applies to her… YET.

    But even more offensive…
    If there is only one child present and you ask that child to do something, there is no way they will do it. They will have a fit and act as if you’d asked them to chop off their little finger and bring it to you.

    But if there are two children in the room and you ask one child to do something, it’s all out warfare. The child you did NOT ask will either:

    A) be extremely offended that you did not ask them to do it and huff off in a fit of raging tears. or

    B) run to do the task that you asked the other child to do, which sets the other child off in a huff of raging tears. The child you did ask to do the task (who did not get to do the task) usually retaliates by striking the child who was not asked to help, but did help.

    And back to my first point, if only one of them had been present at the time of the request, no one would want to do it!

  4. I made my daughter work through time lapse math problems until she got one right totally on her own, in spite of her warning that she was going to “die to death of dyingness” before she finished it.

  5. Oh good. Glad I’m not the only one

  6. I don’t count pizza sauce as a vegetable. Love fair trade companies! Thanks for doing this giveaway!

  7. I was the meanest mom ever this morning because I only put two pigtails in my 3 year olds hair instead of 12. And my husband was unreasonable when he mad her stop playing in the water in the bathroom. SUCH mean parents…

    1. Alternately I caused utter devastation by putting my three year old’s hair in pigtails instead of just ONE ponytail.

  8. I wiped my son’s nose instead of letting him smear boogers all over his face.

  9. I didn’t allow my almost three year old son to drink soda despite him saying that if he didn’t, his tongue would get really big.

  10. I make my kids go outside and play when the weather is nice, and won’t let them when the weather is bad. Apparently this is backwards. Fail.

  11. This made me laugh so hard. Luckily, my 13 month old doesn’t complain about many of these yet, but she is often outraged that I don’t let her lick the bottom of people’s shoes.

  12. I MAKE my child feed and water HER rabbit and clean his litter box. (and after the complaining, she has the nerve to ask for another rabbit)

  13. Nearly hysterical laughter here. It’s what happens when you realize you’ve been quoted on Beth Woolsey’s blog, and you really ARE one of the meanest moms in the world!!

  14. I made my 5 year old wear a rainbow shirt that she committed to and then tried to change out of when we were on the way out the door because mom’s are “mean and ugly” and she’s “just a little girl” and “how could you do this to your own child??”

  15. I am pretty cruel and seem to spend a great deal of time thinking up ways to ruin my kids’ lives, but the one that gets the most deep signs, groans and eye rolls would be my enforcement of our family dress code. “If you are not wearing at least underwear, you may not sit on my furniture.” Yes, this needs to be said. Often.

  16. I pride myself on saying at least 25 unreasonable, life-ruining things each day. With 5 kids, that’s at least 5 things per kid which I consider a great average!

  17. When I suggested that perhaps canvas Tom’s flats, without socks, weren’t the best choice to walk to the bus stop this morning since it is 15 degrees and we received 6 inches of snow last night. “MOM, they’re red!”

    Translation from teenagese: “MOM! I have to wear red today because it is class/team colors day and my color is red and I don’t have anything else that is red to wear because all my clothes are on my floor, dirty, and this is somehow your fault even though I’m responsible for doing my own laundry! Anyway, I only have to walk a block and I will leave the house with just enough time to run to the corner as the bus is pulling up, so my feet won’t be that cold.”

  18. I read through the ENTIRE list on FB laughing and agreeing the whole time. 🙂 Last night my husband tickled my 6 year old. How could he?!?! Doesn’t he know she doesn’t like to be tickled at bed time??

  19. I so needed this!

    I offered to help my 7 yr old spell “Christmas”, when CLEARLY that meant I thought she was stupid.

  20. Oh how to choose from the long list of things I do to ruin my kids lives. I’m so good, I ruin their lives when I’m not even trying!
    1. We went to my teens chorus concert and clapped. (an obvious no-no)
    2. I made my 8yr old son clean up his toys even though he “just started playing” 2 HOURS before!
    3. I had the nerve to take away pencil and pen from my 18 month old when she was coloring the couch. I also clearly do not understand her screeches (intentional, she is sure) and give her what she wants. This one is going to be a lot of fun as a teen!
    In conclusion, it is nice to finally be able to ruin others lives like mine was ruined by my parents!

  21. My first baby is 3 months old and even though I enjoyed this post (and all the comments!) it made me just a bit scared…

  22. I made the last child who walked out of the house shut the front door even though, “LOGAN MADE ME GO LAST!”

  23. all of those ways to ruin my kids’ lives?? how can I choose just one…? I feel like a kid in a candy store! yippee! operation ruin kids’ lives (ORKL, has a good ring to it, no?) begins at 3pm today. Thanks Beth!

  24. This is hilarious!

    I cruelly forced my 2 year old daughter to wear clothes to school on several days last week AND let me help her brush her teeth!

  25. It’s my fault I didn’t include a note to remind my son to eat his sandwich before his cookies since he keeps coming home with an empty cookie bag and a fully intact sandwich, day after day.

    1. and, i wrote a note today to call his bluff. Which I can’t decide is brilliant or enabling or RIDICULOUS.

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