2 May 2020 — The COVID Diaries: Staying Sane in a Time That’s Not

 

Dear Diary,

I spent all day reorganizing the pantry because I decided I’m going to feel like a fantastic idiot if the Cascadia Earthquake hits and I didn’t use this time I have at home to ensure we’re adequately prepared.

Like, you know what I’m saying, Diary?

Who lives through one massive crisis and fails to learn lessons for other potential crises?

And SINCE WE’RE LIVING IN THE WEIRDEST POSSIBLE TIMELINE where we keep FOOLISHLY saying “yeah, but how much worse can it really get?” and therefore FORCING FATE to keep dealing us crappy hands, I feel like I need to do whatever I can within my power to KNOCK ON WOOD. In this case, sorting the pantry = Wood Knocking. Because the Fate Centered Approach — which everyone knows is the Most Scientific Approach and not at all superstitious — says If You Prepare for the Worst, the Worst Will Not Happen.

Fine. I don’t really believe in Fatalism. But I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t want to feel dumb after an earthquake hits. There are about to be 7 humans and 5 animals in my house for the foreseeable future. That’s a lot of daily calories to ensure we have on hand. 

We almost got to increase the animals number to 7 yesterday when two peacocks showed up.

Because OF COURSE peacocks showed up.

And roosted on our roof. 

I already said, Diary, we’re living in the Weirdest Possible Timeline. 

Donald Trump is the President of the United States. (Old news. Still BLOWS MY MIND.)

There’s a global pandemic. 

We already have a Porch Chipmunk…

…and a Daytime Raccoon who just wanders around our property like he owns it…

… refusing to be limited to the nighttime hours just because we keep telling him he’s nocturnal. (I hear you, Raccoon. I don’t want to be put in a box, either.)

A terrified dog materialized in our car one night last fall…

… on a mission, we eventually discovered, to be adopted by the neighbors.

So why in the Wonky World would we NOT manifest peacocks? 

It’s 2020. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s definitely not the weirdest thing that’s happened. And it’s far from the worst.

Sadly for my neighbor Mo and I, who were prepared to keep them and love them forever — BECAUSE ONE DOES NOT JUST TURN DOWN A GIFT OF PEACOCKS FROM THE UNIVERSE, GREG — these two already have an owner.

Although, IDK if he’s caught them yet, so I’m not ruling out moving them in with the rest of this menagerie if they come knocking on the door.  

Love forever,

 

 

 

P.S. For the first time EVER — and just to prove you should never say never — I was SO EXCITED to get cock videos in my email inbox. 

😂 

And now I shall share them with you. Cocks, wandering around my house:

 

 

P.P.S. In other words, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?

P.P.P.S. I wish I knew, but the peacock parts are OK with me. 

Raccoon Photo Credit: Abigail Lynn

ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
9 comments
  1. Your neighbors look like the nicest people ever!

  2. A pair of peacocks is much more entertaining than the mama and baby turkey we had a few years ago.

  3. OF COURSE you have peacocks. Duh. Like I was 0% surprised and chuckled. You roll with the punches like a champ in this weird world. Plus, I’m sure Peacocks are a sign of good luck. A symbol of kind-heartedness, and you are the most kind hearted person. They brought much needed joy. Just like you!

    I am cleaning for my preparation for unknown. Like, the kitchen cupboard doors. This is not something I have done in oh…a very long time. Like when I was nesting with first born. I also found that the hose does a GREAT job cleaning metal blinds. Propped up so they are separated to dry completely in the sun and WINNING! This is what entertains me now. Thanks for being a safe haven for me to share when not waving. ♥

  4. The Summertime Skunk will be making his/her yearly return to the neighborhood soon! And there are the All Season Squirrels that continually bless our fence lines that really never separate the hearts in this amazingly loving, weird, and fun neighborhood- even in this twilight zone.
    Mo

    PS The Peacocks/Hens are still within the neighborhood and other neighbors have been stepping up to watch over them until their human can successfully corral them. Ya know, it could be that the Peacocks/hens are watching over us.

  5. First….hahahahaha
    You are THE best at making everyday drudge seem novel and hilarious!
    But, second, if a nocturnal creature is out in the daylight, best stay away! It is likely sick, therefore not safe. Sorry to be a downer….I am just channeling a micro professor/ naturalist I know, who says a nocturnal animal who is out in the daytime is “likely not right in the head”.

  6. Flannery O’Connor had peacocks, too

  7. Right?! We have exactly four weeks until the beginning of Hurricane Season. O.o It’s time to stock up, but not go out to do so, but not hoard the things because HOLY COW the food pantry needs them way more right now, but not be unprepared, but not overload our Instacart delivering humans, who are always profusely thanked and tipped, because I’m young (ish) and healthy, but…littles. And parents. And immunocompromised vet husband.

    [Said husband started a discussion about buying a generator with our stimulus check, and I said nahhhhh, there are things we need more first, and ten minutes later we lost power for the first time in months. Not Even Kidding. I heard alllllllll the I Told You Sos. {Which looks weird, like it should have an apostrophe, but that’s probably grammatically incorrect too, and besides SOS really sums up this year anyway.} I can take or leave having power, since we no longer have a tubie with a feeding pump, but apparently I’m in the minority around here, because my five humans want air conditioning and hot food and cold food and etc etc.]

    We had a flock of peacocks in the next neighborhood over when I was a kid. They were so cool to watch roaming around. Sometimes they would come visit our yard and hang out.

    P.S. Congratulations to you and your humans on the wedding and graduations!!!!! (and upcoming New Human? Did I catch that about a week ago? Squeeee!)

  8. That president thing. Still blows my mind as well.
    I don’t want to further alarm you, but have you heard about the Japanese Murder Hornets? Yikes.

  9. Oh, they look so graceful! Just the perfect fit for your household!
    Go you for knocking on wood. Now I have to think about what other crisis I should be preparing for here… Feel so unprepared for anything. Maybe I’m slowly sinking in the mud again, not even noticing it yet.
    Waving! (it does keep one afloat, doesn’t it? All the waving?)

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