On Candy Canes and Existential Dread

I have a method for eating candy canes, and it’s not good but it’s mine and I’m keeping it.

Objectively, I understand the best, tidiest, most prolonged way to eat a candy cane is to start at the bottom of the shepherd’s crook–where the cane would strike the earth were it used for walking rocky hills searching for green bits and water. You cut the plastic there with scissors if you’re civilized or tear it with you’re teeth if you’re a savage and unwrap enough to suck slowly, twisting the cane in circles to create a spear. You test the point again and again until it’s a shiv, and then you stab whoever’s stupid enough to wander close even though they can see with their own eyeballs that you’re eating a candy cane. Then–and only then–you can crunch the tip between your teeth, unwrap a bit more, and begin the process anew. The tricky bit comes, as it does in life, with the change of direction. The turn. The bend.  Because the circular suck is impeded by your face. Here is where you’re allowed to veer from the Best Way and express your own creativity. Dealer’s choice. ...  read more

On Conjuring Energy From Nothing…Because Of Course. And Always.

Last night at 8:17pm, my son hollared “DAMN IT” and slammed his door. 

Right before that we replied, “Oh, no! So sorry! No. We forgot.”

And right before that he asked if we remembered the Thing He Wanted to Do which was at 7:30pm.

And right before that he said, “SHIT. I forgot the Thing I Wanted to Do at 7:30pm and now it’s 8:17 and I’m TOO LATE.” ...  read more

About That Shaking

Sometimes, when it’s quiet in my house, which is not very often because the dogs bark and the children bark at each other and sometimes I bark, too, but sometimes, when it’s quiet in my house–my sturdy house made of sturdy stuff–I feel a gentle shaking. I wait a minute. I pause. I assess. Is it shaking? Like, real shaking? Or am I just shaky. Like, is my bloodsugar low? Am I having an anxiety attack? And when I decide it is real shaking, as in external shaking, extrinsic shaking, objective shaking, I wonder next if it’s the Cascadia earthquake. The Big One. The 9 on the Richter Scale. ...  read more

The Longest Night

I don’t know. The older I get, the more I’m enamored with…in tune with…drawn by…the passing of the years. The impotence of the days. The importance of the seasons. Maybe this is what it is to get older. To speed up and slow down at the same time. To understand how quickly time passes and the constant of change and the way things stay immovably the same. Or maybe this is what it is to be human. Maybe this is what it is to become real like the Velveteen Rabbit, trading shiny, new make-believe for worn and weary truth but somehow, via mystery and magic as old as time, more beautiful for it. ...  read more

I Am A Balloon

I am a balloon. 

I’ve tried and tried (and tried and tried) to find words that apply in this After Time. Which is to say, I’ve tried and tried (and tried and tried) to find words that apply to this Life. The era in which I exist is just a conceit. An important one, I think, for the After Times is an era of chaos and uncertainty and triumph and tragedy and looking for the helpers and being disappointed and uplifted, sometimes at the same time, but a conceit nevertheless because if we were honest we’d just admit Life has always been thus and thus will always be.  ...  read more

How I Give Them Up: Why I’m Not Keeping the Kittens

OK, one thousand people have asked me if I’m adopting any of the Q or L or Weed kittens. Or the mamas. Are you adopting the mamas? PLEASE ADOPT THE MAMAS. And my answer is no. BUT WAIT. Pull up a chair for a minute and let me tell you why.

Once upon a time, I fostered Golden Retriever rescues. I will do that again someday when I’m off the kitten bent. And it was Very Hard giving them up to their furever families. Very, Very Hard. But the Hardest of All was Nikki. ...  read more

All You Need Is A Sister Cat Doula

A LOT HAS BEEN HAPPENING ON THE KITTEN FRONT AND I’M SORRY I’M YELLING BUT A LOT HAS BEEN HAPPENING ON THE KITTEN FRONT.

It’s been a busy, busy 24 hours, friends, and I’d like to do a full, complete recap in case you’ve missed the saga on the Book of Faces or the Instant Grams, but I don’t have the time or the mental capacity…for reasons you will soon understand…so I’m going to post the updates from the socials in chronological order plus a few bonus pics and extras. That way you can catch up, and I can pretend I’ll have time to deep clean my office. ...  read more