Here Come My Kids (and they gonna be sick)

It’s cold and flu season, friends. You might’ve heard it’s here. And unlike basketball season and football season, there’s no deadline for sign-ups and it’s never too late to join the team.

If you’re a parent with kids participating this year — or kids playing as starters and headed to state finals, baby! — then this recording is for you. Or, rather, for your friends, to help them understand they need to run. Like, NOW. ...  read more

On Finding the Gym and a New Comfort Zone

I bought a trial membership at the gym this week which was harder than you might think and not just because it’s a gym and also, Oh Sweet Baby Jesus Smiling Sweetly in His Manger, a GYM.

No. It was harder than you might think because I forgot how to get there.

That’s right.

I’ve been to the gym before, folks, but it’s been so long I couldn’t remember how to find it. Also, I forgot that my fancy phone can hold my hand, whisper assurances, and take me there if I but ask. I often forget this about God, though, too, so at least my phone’s in good company, eh? ...  read more

Just Plane Sick

In a few hours, we’re going to meet people we don’t know who’ve generously offered to let us stay in their home in Guatemala. I’m bringing vomit-laced clothes as a thank you gift because thank you gifts are important if you ever want to be invited back.

It’s good to make trips memorable, though, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? And taking a 10-year-old kiddo back to visit her birth country for the first time since her adoption at a year old? Well. THAT I want to make extra memorable. Yes, I do. ...  read more

How to Exercise at High Altitude: a word problem

(This is after the Medical Teams International Big Run
with my sis-in-law, Kim, who feels this pic makes her look schlumpy
but really she’s just schlumping ’cause I’m so short.
Thanks, Kim!)

I ran a 5K last weekend.

It was a miracle.

Four show-offy senior citizens passed me, speed walking, on the course. I didn’t care, though. Pfft; not me. I ran a 5K, folks, just four weeks after starting the Couch-to-5K program again. Last time I did Couch-to-5K, it took me 16 weeks to complete 9 weeks worth of sessions. So my running is slower than old people walk? Whatever. I totally outpaced the lady with the oxygen tank, so I’m marking it in the win column. ...  read more

Couch-to-5K or 5K-to-Couch? Decisions, decisions.

I really wanted to title this post “Butt Weight, there’s more!” Because it’s about running and why I run and my weight, and, you know, butt weight, there’s more. But then I thought that title might be mean to me, and I’m trying to knock that crap off. So, well, this is the conversation I had with myself abou tit:

But it’s funny!
But it’s mean.
Butt it’s funny!
Yeah. I totally saw that. Knock it off.
Fine. Forge tit.
I think you meant to type forget it.
Oops. Those t‘s and the tricky space bar always mess me up.
You’re the most immature person I know, Beth.
RIGHT? ...  read more

On Silence and Cacophony and Things That Soothe the Soul

I woke up yesterday morning to silence which happens to me exactly never and made me think that there was a strange and awesome aligning of the planets… or that kind, gentle faeries came in the night to cast magical, sleeping mommy spells… or that I suddenly went blessedly deaf… or that the Rapture happened and I didn’t make the cut and the apocalypse has been terribly misunderstood and only ever wanted to come in peace, after all. ...  read more

My children are Not Very sick, and I have THINGS to do.

Four-fifths of my children are home sick today.

They’re not very sick. They’re just sort of sick, living in that strange place between being really sick and perfectly healthy.

I bet you know the place. Don’t you?

It’s that place in the school handbook that reads, “Please keep your children at home for at least 24 hours after symptoms of fever, vomiting and/or diarrhea subside.” ...  read more