Pride Cometh

I do terrible things to my 11-year-old son.  You can tell by the way he rages and storms up the stairs whenever I so harshly mistreat him.

Like the (countless) time(s) I told him he must bathe.  And that he was required to accomplish his cleansing on the same day I issued the order.  And that I commanded him thusly because I want him to continue to have friends.  Friends who can’t smell him coming. ...  read more

Schmornings

Some people say I’m not a morning person.

I think that’s mean.

For example, my father says I’m not a morning person.

When I was a well-behaved, polite, considerate and thoughtful teenager living under my parents’ roof, my dad used to wake me in the morning.  He might say he drew the short stick, but I say that’s a gross misrepresentation of my joyful morning personality. ...  read more

Happy Mothers Day

For Mothers Day, I got a kid with stitches.  Right on his little 4-year-old forehead, a neat little zipper line of bravado, which he proudly sported.

I’ll tell you more about the stitches this week, but for today and always, the most important part of that introduction is:  “For Mothers Day, I got a kid.”

At this time, 14 years ago, I was recovering from my third miscarriage.  I was bereft.  Empty. ...  read more

Green Eggs and Suspension

Oh, Aden.

Oh, dear, sweet Aden.

Oh, dear, sweet, suspended-from-school-because-you-just-can’t-stop-hitting-kids Aden.

[Sidenote: The problem with blogging is that there are no sound effects.  Please sing the Darth Vader theme now.  Dun dun dun, du du dun, du du dun…  aaaaannnnddd cue James Earl Jones’ voice.  (I’m getting a kick out of imagining you sitting at your computer channeling your deep, Vader voice.)] ...  read more

FAQ and Other Stuff I Shouldn’t Say

FYI, I say “FYI” a lot.

You know.  FYI.  Meaning “for your information.”

I was talking to my 12-year-old one day, and she mimicked me by saying, “FYI, Mom, I want a laptop.”

And I responded, “F your I, Abby, you’re not getting one.”

F your I, I’m a parenting genius.

Sometimes I have conversations with myself as though I’m more than one person.  They go like this: ...  read more

Nana Had Surgery, Too

My mom had surgery on Wednesday, too.  The same day as Cai.

I don’t have pictures of her procedure.

I could have had pictures of her procedure.  I understand there are pictures of her procedure.  In fact, I was offered pictures of her procedure.

But I was strong and right, and I refused.

You’ll be glad very, very soon.

Me:  Cael, did you know Nana had surgery today?  Just like Cai! ...  read more

Papa Ono

My dad, or “Papa” to my kids, has a new name around here.

I’ll get to that in a second.

Papa will be the first to tell you that little kids aren’t really his thing.

Give him a surly adolescent any day of the week over a pre-verbal baby.

What’s particularly touching to me is the way my dad has taken on my oldest son, Ian.

Ian’s not usually my easiest kid. ...  read more