What It’s Like to Communicate With Family

I know sometimes it’s hard to know how to talk to our families. Since some of you may be a little newer at this family gig than we are, I thought I’d share a few family communication tips based on the conversations I had today with my sweet ones. 

I was busy today doing all of my back-to-school shopping online.


Scratching my head. Opening All the Tabs. Trying to find deals so my kids will arrive back at school with luxuries like pencils and paper. ...  read more

How to Win at Parenting (You Know, More Than Your Partner Wins at Parenting)

I lost last week’s Parenting Competition to my husband, which, to be precise, really Sucked the Sucky Suck.

Now, Greg doesn’t know there’s a weekly Parenting Competition, or that we’re competing at all, because I’ve never told him. Also, he’s nice and not competitive (except during Settlers and Scrabble when he’s kind of a jerk) and so he’s always rooting for me in parenting and in life (but not in board games), but that doesn’t make the Parenting Competition less real. Or me less of its winner. Because winning when no one else knows you’re playing? IS STILL WINNING, friends. Still winning. ...  read more

When I Stopped Hating My Husband for Loving Me

In my 40 year history as a human, I’ve disliked a lot of people for loving me, but none of them as much as I detested my husband.

I just spent a lot of time wondering, subconciously, mostly, but sometimes at the front of my brain, how he could be so stupid.

So dim-witted.

So stubbornly blind to my physical flaws and to my pettiness and my meanness and my rage...  read more

Love Is: An Ode to Our Marriage

When we were married 19 years ago, I knew about love. I did. And I wasn’t wrong because love is, in fact, gentle and love is kind. Love is a two-way street. And love is a choice. And love, it’s true, is what conquers against all odds. I knew. I did. And I wasn’t wrong. 

But I didn’t know that love, also, was made up of failure. And of bruises. And of falling down. And of getting up. Sometimes. Eventually. And of a thousand thousand tiny moments and little sighs and brief caresses and small hurts and exhaustion and healing and time.  ...  read more

Quick Poll re: Boobs

Last night’s conversation between Greg and me:

Greg: You put a picture of your boob on the internet.

Me: Well, sort of. It doesn’t really look like a boob and it’s for mammogram awareness, so it doesn’t count as, like, putting a picture of my boob on the internet

Greg: Except that you put a picture of your boob on the internet. ...  read more

On 19 Years of Marriage and Being a Hummingbird Enabler

Look, I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage or anything else, but Greg and I will be married 19 years tomorrow, and, since we like each other almost always these days, I think it’s fair to say we’ve learned a thing or two over the past couple decades. If you want to read about how we actually make it work (hint: I’ve stopped giving the usual answers like “marriage takes hard work” or “we’re still together by the grace of God” or “marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100”), go here. For now, I just want to acknowledge one small, almost negligible, marital fact: ...  read more

My Husband Stopped Texting Me While He’s at Work

My husband has stopped responding to texts from me while he’s at work.


So my husband’s solution is to walk around with his penis goiter and tell people he’s just happy to see them? Um… no.


I haven’t heard back from Greg since I mentioned I’m a Penis Goiter Coveter.

I’d feel bad for Greg – I mean, no one goes into marriage thinking you’re getting a Penis Goiter Coveter for a wife – but marriage doesn’t always turn out the way you think. The person you marry changes. And they make new discoveries. And, well, sometimes Penis Goiter Coveting is part of it. This is what For Better OR FOR WORSE means, Greg...  read more